Sunday, June 14, 2015

Life goes on....even with cancer.

What do you do when it feels like the world keeps turning and life goes on for everyone else but you? Sometimes it feels like my world has stopped.  How do I find a new purpose?  I was determined to stay positive and happy. I was determined to not let breast cancer define who I am.  But I've been thrown into a new world of life with cancer. And I'm slowly learning that doesn't mean I have to leave the old life behind....but instead I'm forced to add a new dimension. My love for music and books and HGTV are still there but I'm also learning about chemotherapy and cures.  Seems surreal at times but it is what it is.  And much thanks to John for my new Mumford & Sons albums!

I've successfully completed the first four cycles of Taxol, Herceptin and Perjeta. Only eight more to go!  Once a week I go get comfy, take the Benadryl and BOOM...wake up a few hours later and I'm done!  One step closer.

We started discussing surgery in more detail this week because after chemo that's coming up next. So what do I do.....another decision. Since I've responded extremely well thus far to the treatments and its reduced the cancer cells drastically, there is a possible option of a clinical trial that would mean not removing all the lymph nodes.  And not removing lymph nodes reduces the risk of  Lymphedema. Oh the things I'm learning!  It's a randomized trial which means I don't choose my option, a computer does. But I would know if they're removing them or using the new radiation option prior to surgery. Is it a gamble?  After more information and much prayer I hope I'll feel good about a decision.  But in the meantime, I'm open to opinions!
Maybe my world as I knew it stopped and I'm just rotating on a different axis for awhile. I'm sure God has a purpose with all of this and maybe my mission is to figure out what it is or maybe my mission is to learn to live with it and not question.  Some days I'm afraid and I start sinking but I'm thankful for the hand of God and my faith. 

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:30-31 NIV)

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