Monday, July 31, 2017

LIFE......with a new fear 😐

A cancer diagnosis and looking ahead to a year of treatments was so scary. But let me tell you what was almost as scary.....that day, a little more than a year ago, when I took my last herceptin infusion!

The end of a successful cancer treatment journey is such a celebration!  I praised God it was over and I was cured!  But what I wasn't prepared for was the new fear, a very real fear of recurrence. I realized I was on my own now. No more herceptin.  My port was gone.  I was no longer receiving any of those wonderful drugs to kill and/or prevent cancer cells. It was like freewheeling...hydroplaning....losing control.  It was totally up to my body to put the brakes on if a healthy cell tried to mutate into cancer.  That's a scary thought!  And it was evident that this new fear could consume me.

Dr. Chumsri is the absolute best! 
Last year with a diagnosis of osteopenia caused by the chemotherapy I knew resistance training and physical activity was important to build back my bones.  So that's what I did!  Our bodies survive on what we eat and drink.  So consuming nutritional foods and beverages became very important.....most of the time!  Everybody needs a glass of wine and chicken wings occasionally! And that leads me to my emotional health.....and fears.  Happiness, love, fun and quality of life are worth more than we give credit to stay healthy.

Last month as my scans and appointments approached I found myself preparing for the worst.  Even though I felt so good.....that fear was big.  But after all of the testing I got the good news and was jumping up and down cheering!  I decided that going forward I had to let my faith in God and faith in myself be stronger than my fear.

I worry......of course.  Do I let it consume me...absolutely not.  I live my life the fullest and healthiest that I can.  I try to make good decisions and I enjoy myself.  I love.  I pray.  I give thanks.  When I have aches and pains I sometimes have to fight the fear because I know........cancer can have a mind of it's own.  But I refuse to live in fear!  I choose to be brave and live life without fear.  

It's been an awesome year full of love and life!

Autumn Grace
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:27 NIV