Life goes on....even with cancer.

What do you do when it feels like the world keeps turning and life goes on for everyone else but you? Sometimes it feels like my world has stopped.  How do I find a new purpose?  I was determined to stay positive and happy. I was determined to not let breast cancer define who I am.  But I've been thrown into a new world of life with cancer. And I'm slowly learning that doesn't mean I have to leave the old life behind....but instead I'm forced to add a new dimension. My love for music and books and HGTV are still there but I'm also learning about chemotherapy and cures.  Seems surreal at times but it is what it is.  And much thanks to John for my new Mumford & Sons albums!

I've successfully completed the first four cycles of Taxol, Herceptin and Perjeta. Only eight more to go!  Once a week I go get comfy, take the Benadryl and BOOM...wake up a few hours later and I'm done!  One step closer.

We started discussing surgery in more detail this week because after chemo that's coming up next. So what do I do.....another decision. Since I've responded extremely well thus far to the treatments and its reduced the cancer cells drastically, there is a possible option of a clinical trial that would mean not removing all the lymph nodes.  And not removing lymph nodes reduces the risk of  Lymphedema. Oh the things I'm learning!  It's a randomized trial which means I don't choose my option, a computer does. But I would know if they're removing them or using the new radiation option prior to surgery. Is it a gamble?  After more information and much prayer I hope I'll feel good about a decision.  But in the meantime, I'm open to opinions!

Comparison of Axillary Lymph Node Dissection With Axillary Radiation for Patients With Node Positive Breast Cancer Treated With Chemotherapy

Maybe my world as I knew it stopped and I'm just rotating on a different axis for awhile. I'm sure God has a purpose with all of this and maybe my mission is to figure out what it is or maybe my mission is to learn to live with it and not question.  Some days I'm afraid and I start sinking but I'm thankful for the hand of God and my faith. 

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:30-31 NIV)

Farewell to the Red Devil !

Last week we got to take a little mini vacation to Alabama to visit with my Dad. It was heavenly! He cooked delicious homemade meals determined to fatten me back up!  And the next best part...sitting by the water on the pier!  We moved around some when I was young but having a cabin on the river made Fish River more like home....a constant place...spending weekends, vacations and holidays there. I spent countless hours during the days roaming up and down the river with my brothers swimming and fishing and playing a little croaker badminton (just use your imagination!).  And evenings enjoying family dinners of the "catch of the day" and playing Chinese checkers. Then falling asleep to the sounds of the crickets and frogs. So you can imagine after the extreme emotions of the past couple months the feelings I had when I sat down and felt the warm breeze on my face and smelled the familiar river air.  Tears just flowed. Happy tears. Refreshing. It was just what I needed to gather strength for my last encounter with the "Red Devil"!

But I did it....now I am done with the "Red Devil"!  Four cycles completed with minimal side effects and problems. I did develop a fever and cough which they treated with a wicked strong antibiotic. I am so grateful for my amazing doctors and nurses at Mayo Clinic. Next week involves testing to check my response and health (MRI, echo cardiogram, pulmonary testing) then on to the next phase. Twelve weekly cycles of low dose chemo with two targeted therapies. I'm ready for the cure!  I'm learning as with any goal to focus on the end but a day at a time. Enjoying the happy moments along the way and thanking God for them.

Much love and thanks to everyone for all the prayers and love I'm receiving every day.  I feel and appreciate it more than you can ever imagine.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. (Psalms 23:1-6 KJV)

God loves us even when we're broken...

So on a good day and with John here visiting we decided to take a walk on the beach.  It was not too long before dark so it was cool and quiet on the beach.  It was so peaceful walking along enjoying God's beauty when this nice looking lady walked up to John and asked "Are y'all looking for shells?' It was obvious since I was down shifting through the sand but I'm sure I looked a little scary with my rubber gloves, ziploc bag, hand sanitizer and my wig flying around in the wind (note to self and others - don't EVER wear a wig on the beach!)  John replied "We are!"  She proceeded to bend down with her little canvas beach bag, pull out two empty wine bottles and then dump the prettiest shells out on the sand along with everything else in her bag and said "Get the ones you want, I live here so I can find more."  She then picked up a broken shell and handed it to me saying "Be sure to take this one.  It's broken but it's still beautiful and it reminds us that God still loves us even when we're broken."

This woman was totally tipsy but she was so sweet and so right! She proceeded to put her two empty bottles in her bag, along with a comment about how somebody had really made her mad, and wished us a nice evening.  She was so pleasant and such a blessing.  I had already started a vase of shells so I brought them back (I've turned into such a germaphobic and I sprayed them with Lysol) then added them to my collection.....even the broken ones.

Now the good news - our pride and joy...our gifts from God...our hope for the future...our children. The unconditional love we have for our children is like no other. Even when we don't like them we never stop loving them. This whole genetics thing hit me like a ton a bricks the night before we met with the Genetics Specialist to get the results. We hope to give our children only good things in life and to pass on only our "good" genes!  And I'm happy to say the BRCA1 & BRCA 2 tests came back negative.  That made everybody happy!

And in my appointment with my oncologist this week she informed me that I have responded positively to the chemo so far.  The lump has shrunk significantly (from approx. 1.5 cm to 0.5 cm) and the lymph node is significantly smaller. That was the encouragement I needed to go straight into Chemo Treatment #3.  Only one more of these to go.  All I can say is thank God for nausea medicines!  Next I start 12 weekly treatments of THP which is supposedly not as toxic or hard to handle.  All for the cure. 

I've been overwhelmed with loving prayers and support. Not only from my family and friends but from all the new people along this journey. I pray for the broken lady wandering on the beach but willing to share.  And as I've been reminded more than once...

"I  Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me" 

Philippians 4:13

IDC HER2neu+

One in eight...look at your circle of friends. Who will it be?  Breast cancer doesn't have a schedule. Breast cancer doesn't care what your plans are. One day it's just there. And your life changes in an instant. You will never be the same again. 

It's time to find the cure.

American Cancer Society

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